Prayer, Gratitude, and Grace

Guest Opinion

By Emma Smith | Nov. 26, 2022

The other day, I was talking with a friend about prayer. She told me that her grandmother, who had five children, would write down her prayers for each of them and her 14 grandchildren every night.

Wow, I thought to myself, that sure sounds like a lot of work. I couldn’t imagine devoting that much time to prayer—especially not at the end of the day when all I want to do is crawl into bed and shut the world out for 6-8 hours. But throughout the hours and days following this conversation, I began to reflect on the ways in which I make “prayer lists” in my own life without even realizing it.

I am not a religious person, and I don’t often pray in the same way that those with a strong belief in God do. But I certainly hope for things, I try to feel thankful for the blessings in my life, and I worry…a lot. And what is prayer, after all, if not worry?

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, when life gets especially stressful, the way my worry manifests can be nearly unbearable to those around me. I would imagine that many readers are familiar with this experience: As stress increases, our capacity for patience and kindness decreases. In my life, an abundance of worry may become apparent by my lack of interest in conversations with friends and coworkers. I may immerse myself in small, ultimately inconsequential household tasks or feel easily frustrated with my partner’s lack of clairvoyant ability to anticipate my every need.

Around the holidays, I not only feel the stress and worry that goes along with preparing my home for company, but I also feel an increased pressure to count my blessings. With that, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how prayer is just as much a therapeutic technique as it is a spiritual practice.

Of course, prayer can take many forms and is practiced in different ways depending on your faith (or lack thereof). Prayer doesn’t have to be a recitation of scripture in church, kneeling at your bedside each night, or saying grace before a meal. To me, praying means letting go of those things I cannot change, taking time to reflect on what’s going well and what I need to work on in my life.

The act of prayer could be keeping a journal, painting, doing yoga, or even having a meaningful conversation with a trusted friend. Prayer occurs when I’m driving home from work, reading a particularly moving poem, or observing the snowflakes as they fall silently to the ground. Prayer is thinking of others, considering what I can do to make the lives of those around me richer and more joyful.

Prayer is also taking time to process thoughts and emotions. It’s recognizing what is in my control and what should be left up to the universe. Prayer is challenging myself to be here now, to live with intention and remain focused on the important things.

There has been a cultural push in recent years to adopt “an attitude of gratitude,” and not without reason. Studies show that acknowledging our blessings is, indeed, good for us. Not only does it promote more connected relationships, decrease stress levels, and help us gain a better understanding of ourselves, but expressing gratitude can also improve symptoms of depression and anxiety (Harvard Health Publishing, 2021).

Of course, the way we express gratitude matters. For example, sharing how #blessed we are all over social media isn’t doing us or our followers any real favors. Being thankful in a genuine way can be done introspectively, by reflecting through solitary practice or by expressing gratitude to others.

In many cases, expressing gratitude goes hand in hand with extending grace. Let’s say, for instance, you’re at a restaurant, and the waitstaff is providing you with less-than-five-star service. In this moment, you have an opportunity to show gratitude and grace by making a generous assumption about your server’s lack of attentiveness and treating her kindly despite your dissatisfaction. She could be dealing with an eviction notice, chronic health problems, or a family crisis. Or she could simply be having an off day. Who hasn’t been there before?

In the coming weeks, I ask you to contemplate the notions of prayer, gratitude, and grace in your own life. I challenge you to contemplate your ability to reflect, grow, and change, and to practice empathetic responses when they may not come naturally. I implore you to extend grace to those who are consumed by worry, especially yourself. And lastly, I invite you to pray, in whatever way you choose, to continue to experience life’s blessings to the fullest possible extent.

Emma Smith is a Leelanau County native who now lives in Traverse City. She works on the development team at Child and Family Services and is also a clinical mental health therapist.