The Other Side of Love

Top advice from local divorce lawyers

By Anna Faller | Feb. 8, 2025

According to recent census data, the divorce rate in the United States accounts for nearly half that of first marriages.

It’s a sobering statistic. But while these numbers might seem negative, divorce can also mark a fresh start. When combined with the right resources and knowledge, it can even help forge a new type of love—one that puts the individual, their family, and their needs at the fore.

It’s exactly this attitude that Traverse-based family law firm, Wilson Kester, aims to perpetuate.

“We’re all about empowerment,” family law attorney and Wilson Kester president Shelley Kester says. “I think a big part of empowerment is knowledge; and when you give clients the knowledge to be confident in their decision-making, that goes a long way.”

But, how does that knowledge apply to the family law landscape in northern Michigan, and what’s most important to keep in mind for those considering a separation? Northern Express sat down with Wilson Kester, the “Empowered Divorce Source,” for a look at divorce Up North.

Plenty of Reasons

“Every situation is different,” Wilson Kester attorney Elena Lentz notes, with local clients reporting everything from lack of commitment to conflict and beyond. Among these though, the firm notes a few standouts that fuel divorce across the board.

One of these is infidelity, which can be applied to a whole host of issues, including, but not limited to: emotional betrayal, sketchy online activity, and physical intimacy with someone other than your spouse. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, which means that applicants aren’t required to provide proof of infidelity to obtain a divorce.

Finances, Lentz says, are another biggie, especially when they come with fights, or secrecy surrounding details like spending or cash-flow, which can sow distrust.

Other common causes for filing range from issues like abuse and addiction—here, Lentz highlights narcissism and gaslighting as family law “buzzwords” from 2024—to emotional distancing and poorly-matched partners that stuck it out for the sake of children or family.

More Splits

In northern Michigan, rates of divorce appear to be on a slight, but steady, incline.

In 2024 alone, Wilson Kester’s Traverse City branch saw client totals in the hundreds and has been recognized among the nation’s 500 fastest-growing firms for three straight years. (Conversely, Michigan’s Department of Health and Human Services reflects a statewide decline in divorce rates, with 4.1 divorces reported per 1,000 people in 2023, down from 6.4 the previous decade).

Though the factors fueling this spike are unclear, Lentz hypothesizes that COVID aftermath might be partially to blame. “I think COVID really brought to light the fragility of human life, and my guess is that extended periods of time spent with family or significant others contributed to [people asking] whether they wanted to [remain] in that situation,” she says.

Consequently, demand for family law has seen consistent growth since that time, whereas other legal industries have experienced a comparative pullback.

“We have a wide range of clients from all aspects and backgrounds,” Lentz explains, with representation shared among factors like age, gender, and parental status. There are a few exceptions; notably, instances of divorce in the 70-and-older crowd, which are very uncommon. In fact, “gray divorces” (couples aged 50 and up) accounted for just a quarter of all splits, per 2019 National Institutes of Health data.

Though the Wilson Kester team supports the universal opportunity to obtain representation, the firm does not accept certain clientele, including sexual offenders and batterers, as those practices contradict their mission.

Finding the Right Fit

As far as your own search for legal representation is concerned, Kester says it’s like a dance partnership.

In other words, you’ll know you’ve found the right firm if you feel safe when sharing personal, and often sensitive, details with your attorney—a key consideration not only for building a working relationship, but also for being a “good dance partner” by providing necessary information for court proceedings. Your attorney should also be well-versed in the specific matters you’re experiencing, as well as confidently go to bat for you and find resolution.

Lentz also stresses the importance of retaining a practitioner who knows local legal players. “We all have experiences with certain judges that like things very particular ways, and without that knowledge, going into those courtrooms can be detrimental to the client,” she says. And if you’re approached by a lawyer who says they can objectively represent both sides? Lentz’s advice is simple: Run!

From a broader lens, your legal team can help you define goals early on to reflect on your circumstances and what’s most important to you.

“We start every client relationship by drilling into what their goals are, but it can sometimes be hard to check in with yourself about how things are and what’s really important,” Kester says. “Part of what we do is help people examine that in an honest way.”

For cases involving children and minors, for instance, Lentz notes that custody or parenting division in the child’s best interest is a common objective, especially in complex legal matters, wherein a child could be used as a bargaining token or levered to receive a more favorable outcome.

Equitable division of property is another core goal, as is establishing transparency regarding shared assets. (If one partner is the pair’s main bookkeeper, the other might not have ready knowledge of exactly what joint accounts contain.) Along with that are the spousal rights to those finances, the specifics of which can be tough to interpret, especially when accounting for circumstances like retirement plans or premarital inheritance.

“One of the most common goals I hear is, ‘I just want something that’s fair’,” Lentz says.

Taking Charge

To ensure you’re able to meet those goals, the pair highlight a few preemptive steps. One of these is to start a log or a journal, particularly if kids are involved. This could include information like childcare data (e.g., how often you oversee baths, prepare dinner, do bedtime, etc.), text messages, and photos of bodily harm if you’re in an abusive relationship. These data points can be significant from a court perspective.

Safeguarding access to resources is another—think: account information, passwords, etc.—especially if an opposing party gets wind that litigation might be forthcoming. (Lentz notes a few instances of spouses absconding with all kinds of assets.)

“There are opportunities [through the court] to try and address immediate problems, but relief is going to feel deficient while the case is still pending,” Kester adds. “I think some experienced family law guidance is important to [avoid] making the wrong move.”

From there, it’s all about arming yourself with knowledge to avoid pitfalls and unwelcome surprises.
For starters, setting realistic timeline expectations is vital to smooth court proceedings. This applies both to deadlines for paperwork as well as requirements set by the state, like residence provisions for children or minimum processing windows for parents of minors.

As counterintuitive as it might sound, Kester and Lentz also encourage clients to take a step back prior to taking action. This includes the obvious don’ts: Don’t sign any documents before a lawyer’s reviewed them first; don’t let another person’s divorce experience influence how you approach yours; and definitely don’t rely on an opposing party for your information.

It’s also wise to be wary of making premature agreements, which can waive a client’s rights to something called the “discovery process” (the steps to obtaining full disclosure), and potentially reduce or eliminate access to assets down the line.

Per Kester, though, the real key to empowerment in these cases is a positive and informed outlook.

“I’ve never once had someone say, ‘I regret my divorce!’” she tells us. “While it’s natural to feel afraid or nervous, we can help reframe the reasons to be optimistic about your future. Our goal is to help clients achieve the life that they really want for themselves—one filled with peace, stability, and hope.”

Wilson Kester Family Law is located at 627 W. Front St. in Traverse City. (231) 272-5348; wilsonkester.com.