Foster Family Odyssey

May 3, 2015

Adoption Unlikely Option for Area Foster Families

Melissa and David West wanted to expand their family of four. With two biological children already, they decided to embark on the adoption process through the foster care system. They had one caveat: they didn’t want to become a revolving door for foster kids. They wanted a permanent placement. Three years later, and still without a child, changes at Child and Family Services have taught them that becoming foster parents isn’t the best way to adopt a child.

A FAMILY LOOKING TO GROW

When the Wests went to Child and Family Services of Northwestern Michigan in Traverse City, they had researched and ruled out other means of adoption.

"We had listened to all these couples that were having fertility issues and they were waiting for infants, so we were like, "˜we’ve already had that experience, you know. We have had the joy of bringing babies home and, if there’s people waiting on a list, it’s OK, we’ll take four-year-olds or five-year-olds,’" Melissa West said.

Melissa and David met 12 years ago in Hawaii and their children are now six and nine. They decided that as long as the adopted child was younger than their biological children, they were comfortable. They preferred a single child, but decided they would also accept siblings.

Above all, they wanted to avoid the heartbreak of bringing a child into their lives only to lose that child later.

LOOKING FOR GOOD ODDS

West said she understood from the outset that there was no guarantee that a foster child would become a permanent member of their family, but she wanted better than 50- 50 odds.

She said a CFS caseworker explained that the agency was willing to work with them to find a child with a case that appeared to be headed for adoption.

"I knew, for our family, fostering to foster just wasn’t a good fit," West said. "I mean, I get super attached. We have young children, so I didn’t want a lot of chaos in and out of the house."

CFS told the Wests to prepare for a wait, as finding a child who met their criteria could take time.

"We weren’t itching to have it done before a certain time or anything like that, so it seemed like it would work," she said.

DELAY FOLLOWED BY DELIGHT

As predicted, the delay was long, but West and her family were delighted when they finally got the news.

In January 2015, almost three years after the process began, they were offered children – a brother and sister – who met their criteria.

"When they called us for this placement, the kids were right in our age group and they said it was going to be a long-term placement," West said.

West said details about the children’s family indicated this would not be a temporary placement. The children’s mother had been arrested on serious drug charges and faced years, or decades, in prison. The father and other family were out of the picture.

She understood there was a slim chance the circumstances could change, but West was assured the case had all the appearances of one that was headed for adoption.

The Wests agreed to take the children.

For one week, they thought they had a new family.

FOLLOWED BY DISAPPOINTMENT

Then everything changed. The Wests were informed there had been a mistake.

The difference between the children’s actual circumstances and what West was told was night and day, she said.

"They told us a week later that they had false information," West said. "Basically, they came for their first check on the kids after we had had them for a week and just said, "˜I’m sorry, but we were given the wrong facts.’" The real facts suggested the children would be reunited with their mother in six months to a year. West explained that if they had been told this when they were approached about the children, they would not have agreed to foster them.

"We would have said, "˜Oh, I’m sorry, we’re just not the right home,’" she said. "I was like, "˜I can’t do this for six months to a year.’ I was already very emotionally attached."

West said CFS explained that they received incorrect information about the children’s circumstances from the Michigan Department of Human Services, the state department responsible for foster care and adoption.

AN IMPERFECT SYSTEM

While mistakes are sometimes made, CSF staff explained that they make every effort to give parents accurate information.

"Everything that we know, they know," said CFS executive director Jim Scherrer, although Scherrer said he could not speak about a specific case.

Scherrer explained that, because of its mandate, the foster care system is imperfect, often scrambling to find a place for displaced children under strained circumstances.

"Sometimes we do get inaccurate information at the beginning of a case," said Cheryl Buyze, licensing supervisor at CFS. "We give the foster parents at intake every piece of information that we know."

Buyze said she doesn’t know what happened in the Wests’ case.

DHS spokesman Bob Wheaton also said he could not comment about a particular case, but it’s unlikely a private foster care agency would get erroneous information about a child’s circumstances from DHS. He said a private agency like CFS is responsible for managing the details of a case.

"The private agency handling a child’s foster care case is responsible for all aspects of the case"¦.They are managing the case. Our department isn’t managing the case," Wheaton said. "The private agency is going to be well aware of what a particular child’s status is."

"˜WE WEREN’T THAT FAMILY’

West said she was told that CFS policy had changed and, while they were waiting for a child placement, it was decided CFS would no longer agree to work with parents who strictly wanted to adopt.

"What they had told us when we went through all the courses and stuff is that was a possibility and we could do that – permanent placement – and it would take a long time, but we could do it," West said. "Since going through this experience, they have said, "˜Oh, we don’t tell people that anymore.’" The licensing process for fostering was rigorous. There was multiple-day class, a background check, invasive interviews and house visits. West now feels this was all for nothing. She believes they should have been notified by CFS when the agency’s policy changed so they could have looked at other options.

"They want to prepare families for being foster-only so that the kids don’t have to be moved more often, which makes total sense, and I understand their goal with that," West said. "But we weren’t that family. We wouldn’t have said yes to that or even entertained the idea."

A SHIFT IN TONE AT CFS

Scherrer stated there has been no policy change at CFS. He explained that, over the past two years, they have moved away from telling potential foster parents that fostering is a way to adopt.

He said the foster care system is in desperate need of families, so agencies strive to cultivate the interest of anyone who expresses enthusiasm for being a potential foster family.

Scherrer shared that the goal is to have stable temporary homes for children before they are reunited with their birth families.

"We do back flips to not move kids," Scherrer said. "Moving kids is a really bad thing for them."

In cases when a foster child’s biological/ legal parents lose their parental rights, it is often the foster parent who has the first option to adopt the child, but in most cases, the entire system works with one goal in mind: returning children to their birth parents.

"We would tell them that our main goal is reunification with the birth family unless parental rights have been terminated," Buyze said. "We’re more interested in finding families that meet the needs of children than we are about finding children that meet the needs of families."

Buyze said foster parents are taught to prepare for the heartbreak they will face when they’re separated from children. They’re encouraged to think of that as part of the sacrifice a foster parent makes.

"It is a sacrifice," she said. "It’s an emotional sacrifice for a family to take someone and to love them "¦ and then experience the sadness when they are no longer with them."

In exchange for this sacrifice, Buyze said she tells families they should expect the reward of having made a positive impact in a child’s life.

CHILDREN AND MOTHER REUNITED

West doesn’t know whether she and her husband will try to adopt again.

"We’re just kind of still settling from the whole thing. We’re still like, "˜whoa,’ we spent three years deciding this is what we wanted to do and waiting and doing it," she said. "It kind of took some things off the table, as far as infant adoption. We would have thought about that three years ago, when we had a threeyear-old, but now that we have a six-year-old, that’s a huge age gap between the kids."

West said she hopes her story doesn’t deter anyone from becoming a foster parent.

"The people who want to do this should do it because it’s a really beautiful thing," she said. "Taking care of the kids is a wonderful experience and feeling like I was able to help them through a difficult time in their life was a wonderful thing. It just wasn’t right for our family."

The children the Wests fostered have already been reunited with their birth mother.

West supported the woman’s efforts to regain custody of her children and she hopes to stay in touch. After a frustrating experience, West said it is a happy ending.

"I hope to be a support system and I’ve told her [the children’s birth mother] that before," she said.